Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Hiyas,
A bit dead, let's crap a bit, since I was halfway revising for Bio anw.
A day in the supermarket. How boring and cliche. Fine let's move elsewhere. By elsewhere I mean to the next aisle. So get your baskets or trolleys and move. You! Auntie! Get out of the way! (I wanted to write siam lol) Eh, ah ma, don't block the with your trolley full of cardboard. I am an honourary NTUC fairprice member ah. You touch my frozen roti prata I call police confiscate your cardboard.
*moves into next aisle*
Towering rows of snacks and canned goods hung overhead. Literally. I mean look it's gonna topple like, in 5 minutes? (Not to mention that oversized uncle promoting a can of tuna hanging above) Ya know when the next little kid comes by and ooh mummee I want that choo choo train (advert, complimentary gift or wadever), grabs the can nearest to him, and walks off.
*gasping*
The pyramid shudders and sways about its position. The tip of the ice berg is about to crack and fall upon the head of the unlucky chap below. *Clank* a can or two dislodges itself from the main body and rolls down the steep incline. The kiddie turns his head, mouth wide as the monster comes down to swallow him alive. The dark shadow descends upon him, he screams! Ah!
*crowd gasping*
And look the bargain hunters are off to buy the can of tuna (hey hey the can the kid took was not tuna, be nice). I mean, two cans for the price of one. Not to mention the expiry date was tomorrow. Ahem, maybe you'd rather not hear that. Let the idiots be blissfully stupid. And no the kid didn't get crushed by the tower of tin cans. I am not just about to let my story turn into a sadistic story of a kid dying after a leaning tower of cans fall upon his little frame because this is a crap story. Fine MY crap story. No dying please thank you, take it outside to the next studio. Now ahem, where were we? Ah, oh the kid. Naah he got scared out of his wits when that poster of the oversized tuna ape fell on him. "And he wet his combinations" and fainted. Hey be glad at least the cans didn't crush him.
Now why do supermarkets stock their shelves so high up when most people are not of manish's height and do not bring ladders when shopping? I mean fine if you want to argue that old people bring those nice convertibles (I'm referring to those stools cum shopping baskets mind you) they can't possibly climb on and grab the nice stuff off the nice (not) shelf at the top. Oh come on, it's the ceiling already, don't jump. Stand on the marie biscuits if you have to.
And then the leaning tower of pizza. (I have no idea what's inside that can lol. Bless you if it says instant tissues) This is obviously the result of some supermarket supervisor who obviously had an ancestor who built pyramids. Hey note the similarity. Just that one tends to topple more often than the other. *kids pops his bubble gum* Eh you! Ya you! (coffeeshop uncle tone) The kid with the pink and sticky face. Don't blow gum here hor!.... *lectures*
*15 minutes later*
...You understand now? Next time, you want blow gum, you do it in aisle 12 because hor, there got no cctv. Plus, you finish already stick on the toilet paper. I tell you, no one buys toilet paper at 1pm in the afternoon, because, they are busy using it in the bathroom after lunch. Okay, understand? Good. Uncle give you more gum, but hor, later you stick it on that uncle in the poster over there. You see? There hor, the one slightly raised from the floor. Ah, that one, don't wake the person sleeping underneath hor, he hiding. Also hor, tell your mother buy a can of the tuna ah. Okay, bye bye~ XD
*knocks out supermarket supervisor and wears his uniform*
*ok i know this is random, but that does not stop it from being funny*
Ahem ahem... Hmm... You you, the one with the ugly bowtie. Ah you. Now what time already, 1.30pm! You go for lunch now! "Ahh? But I just went leh". Aiyah never mind, second serving, on the house. Oi you too! Go go go! Grab your free lunches from the refrigerated department! *steps on supervisor tied up on the floor*
*squints at supervisor*
Ehehehehehehehe. Muahahahahaha. AHhahahahaha cough cough... Ahem. I tell you ah, today... Today. Today. Today wad date ah? *pulls out cloth gagging mouth* "4th of July! Let me..." *gags mouth* Ah, today! On the fourth of July, we will! RUIN! YOUR! SUPERMARKET! Muahahaha! Eh you, switch of the lights and grab me a torch from aisle 20. Now *lights off* *shines torch on face* *evil laughter*. Eh what is this? I didn't ask you to play canon in D on the dvd player. Shut it down now! No no no what you doing? Do this!
*grabs a sausage and stuffs it in the socket and causes a power surge*
Now, peace and quiet. Eh you stop mumbling or I tie you next to the freezer compartment with nothing but your singlet and underpants. Oi stop fidgetting! *grabs frozen fish* *whacks and knocks him out*
Now where was I? Ah, employees. Today we shall celebrate the American Independence day by closing our supermarket now with the excuse of the power surge. Go grab drinks, and stools. The later hor, when the uncle in the dvd shop opposite come back from lunch, we give him a can of abalone and get him to screen Independence Day on the television outside.
To be continued. If you all want it to lol.
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