Monday, May 3, 2010
I knew i had it coming. I had been pushing the limits, relentless, as if caught in an enchantment. But when my fragile reality shattered into a million pieces; my carefully constructed buildings and structures collapsed into shambles, I wasn't prepared.
I was trapped, lost in a pile of rubble; sifting through the rocks and chunks of concrete; searching endlessly for the one key piece that would unlock the answers and perhaps pave my path to recovery. But in my frenzied search I upset precarious heaps of rubble, and the moving gravel morphed into a landslide, a mad tumble downhill in which i lost myself. Alice had Wonderland waiting at the end of her fall, but i? I didn't know. Still dont.
There were pieces all around me, but not a single one fitted the gaping hole I'd been trying to cover up, not a single one could patch up or aid in the reconstruction of my seamless buildings of the past. Of the past. Of a reality that no longer belonged to me.
Sometimes, I would manage to grab a handhold, an anchor that seemed to be the foundation of my recovery, but the treacherous rocks always came away at my grasp.
I couldn't hold on; my collapsed buildings were being reduced to fine dust that scattered to the four winds. And I was falling, falling into the uncertain future.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Despite my apologies, my open confessions, I know I will not be any less harsh on you, nor will I argue less. It could be out of habit, perhaps I'm subconsiously defending the honour I never had. You just have to know--deep down, I know you're right. Perhaps the above metaphorical depiction of the goings-on in my head can give you a clearer picture of me, perhaps they just serve to distract you, they might even seem as if I'm defecnding myself, yet again, despite my admission of guilt. Nevertheless, I felt it was necessary, and thus hope you might glean some insight from it.
