Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The third post in the thrilling saga of raving madman going on and on about random unknown stuff:
I do have reasons, you know.
My lack of communication, because I always feel unwelcome. You tell me to move away, and i refuse. you question my refusal; sometimes, you can be as ignorant as i am relating to what others feel. would you have known that your asking made me feel as if you really wanted to get rid of me and i was being an annoyance? Who can blame me for staying away then? and I always feel as if I'm bursting a happy bubble when i butt into your conversation with Someone Else. Intentionally or not, i feel unwelcome, and unlike with Someone Else, when your conversation flows freely, I find myself struggling to keep up a stream of questions just to maintain a "conversation" with you. I'm tired of the conscious effort required to think and find more things to continue the conversation with. It wasn't always like that.
It could be your fixed mindset that in a conversation with me, you're just the listener, and i will provide all the chatter. Can i change that? Can i say that i would rather you talked and i listened? Because the only times you talk and i listen are when you're lecturing me on how to behave better. That HAS to be abnormal. What is it that makes me the attention seeker who just needs attention, and Someone Else the confidant? (someone to confide in, unsure of the exact word to be used)
Or perhaps it is the "mental barrier" I set up. I myself have no idea what constitutes this barrier, but it is what's preventing me from being happy with you. So i apologise. Once again, based on Someone Else's mindset, Its My Fault. Because I'm the bad guy, you're the good guy; and it will never change.
